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Dissatisfaction with Ledbury's rail service PDF Print E-mail
Satire
Written by John Eager   
Monday, 31 October 2011 17:29

Spoof Article

Packed trains trundling into Ledbury looking like “something out of India” show how successful the service is to the town, says Trains R Us spokeman Mr. Bargii.

 

The Ledbury Line on Ledbury Portal

The sub-continental sight occurred as festival-goers – with all their tents, baggage, chillums and saris – arrived for Ledbury's Big Temple Bash.

But the train also made a poor impression for the one million Christians visiting the town’s legendary Leadon Kumbh Mela Festival.

 

 

One devotee told the Ledbury Portal: " I had to stand for 15 minutes between Lahore and Ledbury. But now I will soak my tired feet in the blessed Leadon."

After a special meditation Mr. Bargii said he expected rail devotees to make a peaceful, sit down protest. Followed by a nice cycle ride.

Liberal Conservative Government cuts to the railway budgets could force more people to walk hundreds of miles to work.

Fears that the station’s signalbox could disappear were also voiced: "If we don't have a bloody signal box, how will the drivers know when to stop the bloody trains?" asked Mr. Bargii.

Mr. Bargiii, a white caucasian, middle class, middle-aged male, who recently changed his name from Mr. Onions, said "The railways should be bloody perfect, but I had to wait 45 minutes for a bloody connection."

A rickshaw service was one solution proposed - "We have so many young, idle untouchables, who could make good rupees being cycle taxi wallahs. Why not?" asked Mr. Bargii.

The Communist Council of Herefordshire has looked at the problem of 'Peak Trains' and come up with a remarkable and very intelligent solution.

Comrade Burnitt told the Ledbury Portal: "After months of deep thought and seeking advice from advisers across the industry; after researching the problem thoroughly and asking local schoolchildren if they had any ideas, Council Leader Communist Chairman Bullie has come up with an imaginative and resourceful solution to the people-on-the-outside-of-a-train problem: He has called for the number of carriages to be increased."

Mr. Bargii is currently being investigated by MI5 after changing his name, while the Metropolitan Police has confirmed that officers have infiltrated the protest movement Trains R Us. A police spokesman told the Ledbury Portal he fully expected certain undercover officers to get under the skin of certain vulnerable female activists, or anybody else they could get their hands on.

Council Leader Communist Chairman Bullie is paid over 200,000,000,000 rupees per annum to come up with a good idea or two.

Last Updated on Wednesday, 09 November 2011 14:39