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A Lawyer's Solstice Festival Greeting PDF Print E-mail
Satire
Written by Administrator   
Thursday, 21 December 2017 12:08

This greeting supersedes any such greeting or similar communication made by the Wishor hereinafter defined.

We (hereinafter referred to as "the Wishor", which term includes but is not limited to us and our immediate family members, together with their respective successors, assigns, executors and administrators) hereby express to each reader hereof (each such reader hereinafter referred to as a "Wishee", which term includes but is not limited to each such reader and such reader's immediate family members, together with their respective successors, assigns, executors and administrators; excluding, however, those immediate family members to whom such Wishee expresses in writing the Wishee’s determination not to wish, express or share the sentiments herein expressed) the Wishor’s desire (without representation or warranty regarding Wishor's ability to effectuate such desire and without obligation, implied or implicit) that each Wishee shall experience:

AN ENVIRONMENTALLY conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the holiday of Wishee's choice, if any, most closely approximating the date of the winter solstice in the northern hemisphere, practised within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices and/or traditions of the Wishee's choice, with respect for the religious or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all, but not excluding any such holiday practised within traditions and limitations aforementioned in the southern hemisphere most closely approximating the date of the summer solstice in that hemisphere, and;

UNDER AFORESAID waiver of obligation on the Wishee's part, a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2018 but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, colour, creed, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the Wishee.

By accepting this greeting (which acceptance is for all purposes conclusively presumed from Wishee's reading hereof from any medium including but not limited to printed matter or use of any document retrieval system, be it electronic or otherwise), the Wishee is bound by the following limitations and qualifications:

(i)This greeting is subject to amendment, further clarification or withdrawal;
(ii)This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the Wishor are acknowledged;
(iii)This greeting implies no promise by the Wishor actually to implement any of the wishes or desires;
(iv)This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain Wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the Wishor;
(v)This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of One (1) Year or until the issuance of a subsequent greeting, whichever comes first;
(vi)The Wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the Wishor;
(vii)The Wishor makes no representation or warranty regarding the Wishor’s owning any interest in this greeting or wish, by statutory or common law, copyright or otherwise.  The Wishee assumes all risk in accepting, relying upon or enjoying, or purporting to enjoy, the greeting and wish set forth herein.

Any references in this or subsequent greetings to "the Lord", "Father Christmas", "Our Saviour", or any other festive, secular or religious figure, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.