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A hat-trick from M Petrov, a brace from S Petrov, a Phil Neville own goal and goals from Karpov and the enterprising Chekov saw Bulgaria massacre England four nil at the New Wombley stadium.
The midfield wizardry of Viktor Krum baffled England with our own super Left Winger, Gerrard, played bizzarely out of position in centre midfield.
"What we needed was three or four Lampards out there" cried England manager, Kevin Capellio, after the game.
Johnson, probably the best right back in the world, despite not being able to control the ball, pass the ball or even get a tackle in, was running quickly up and down the flank, wearing out that famous Wombley turf with his wonderful running displays.
"Collateral Damage" "Engaging the enemy in the theatre" "shooting on the attack" and other military metaphors came to mind.
With Rooney in goal, England looked dangerous in the first five minutes. Scholes on crutches found Danny Defoe who skied the ball over the bar - he then mouthed to the camera "the English are a bunch of bastards."
Despite winning the last World Cup with a series of 1-0 victories up to the final, when England then went on to defeat the FRench 36-35 on penalties, the new look England defence of Ferdinand and King (both in mobility vehicles) looked sluggish and wormy and unable to cope.
Barry clapped on the team on, but was heard yawning in the second half "I'm bored.. I want to go shopping with the girls"
The £600 million manager remains confident the team will qualify for the Euro 2012 finals in Never-Never Land: "If you win you are, how you say, a crazy god, and if you lose, well, I don't care, ha ha ha...."