Ledbury Portal Community Forum

I've got a great new business idea - catch pigeons, steam them, de-feather them, strip off the meat and can them in brine or vegetable oil.

I thought about using lines with baited hooks to trap the pigeons, but I've now got a much better idea.

I'm going to use vast nets - four miles long - pulled by light aircraft - and catch everything that flies. I'll use giant fat balls as bait to entice the pigeons for miles around and then net the lot.

Of course, I'll also be netting everything else that flies - other birds, bats, bees, wasps, butterflies and moths, but think of the money I'll make. And I'll be able to feed the Western World.

I'll put my nets out every day and sweep across the entire nation. So what if the odd tree-hugger complains about the loss of songbirds and the extinction of bats (they're only flying mice after all), so what if farmers and gardeners complain about the loss of pollinating insects. I'll catch everything and discard the waste down the tip. All I want is pigeons and I'm going to make an absolute fortune.

As a by-catch, any birds of prey caught I'll just cut off their wings while they're still alive and sell them to the Chinese as the latest sure-fire aphrodisiac.

I'm going to be rich selling my cheap little tinned birds by the million to the highstreet supermarkets.

Rich, I tell you, ha ha ha, stinking bloody rich, ha ha ha, ha ha ha!