It's dishonest of me, I know, but whenever some distant e-mail acquaintance asks me what it's like where I live, I unhesitatingly e-mail them a photo of Church Lane. That way, my acquaintances are fooled into thinking that I live in a quaint little "chocolate box" world where cats lie snoozily sunward, claw retracty-most prr prr, where roaring log fires are the order of the day and giant foaming tankards of fine ale are served with dramatic gesture by the jolly publican. All a far cry from my dismal, characterless little 1990's "brick box" at the edge of town, that my girlfriend hates. "But it's Elizabethan", I insist. Indeed - but which Elizabeth precisely?

Anyway, I didn't fire-up my computer this evening just to bore you with my frustrations and personal feelings of social inadequacy. Passing Church Lane this afternoon, and having my camera ready, I spotted a rare opportunity to photograph Church Lane in a deserted state. Another one for the book of lies, I thought. Then, another thought - deep forcus on this, oh yes. To take advantagey-most of the desertled statey, shiftit right one full headload and, having the power of the clickymost, hovery hovery, then clickit BANG - oh dear, what a blast in the old eyedroves.

The result is below. If you haven't viewed a stereoscopic picture before, here's how you do it:

• The picture contains two images side-by-side. The image from the left eye is on the right and the image from the right eye is on the left.
• The trick is to stare at the picture and try to make your right eye engage the left image and your left eye engage the right image - this necessitates a certain amount of cross-eyedness. With practice, you should see three images. Concentrate upon the central image and try to ignore the images to the left and right. Experiment with distance from the screen as well - not everyone's screen is the same size. I've got a 17" screen and my best viewing distance is about 18" - that's just me.
• Finally, you have to train your brain to understand that an image isn't necessarily close just because your eyes are crossed. With your eyes crossed, imagine you are looking into the distance. The stereo image should pop into view.
• You might find it helpful to place your finger between your eyes and the screen. Focus upon your finger then, without shifting your eyes, try to see beyond your finger and into the image.

Got it?

That's what I'm sending next time an e-mail acquaintance asks me where I live. They can walk through it, marvel at the dangly-most of the basket load, the A-boardy and the Stifle in the far forry. Better than phht phht all up the M4/A417 and the printy-most of the carbolic footload, oh yes. Stay cool...