Spoof Article

My dear beloved selectorate, I'm as happy as a bull in the pen as our great leader David Cameron announces even more effective climate change proposals.

Last year it was fracking, but now he promises a 'revolution' (no less) in North Sea oil and gas extraction to increase production by 4 billion barrels.

I can already smell the oil barons, executives and share holders rubbing their greedy, grubby hands together. A few people are going to get very rich from all this and all power to them I say.

We will all see the benefits from those ultra wealthy few. They will pull us up as their wealth trickles down - like aphids and suckling ants - a natural order. Each top executive will be able to eat more food, buy more cars, live in more houses and have more holidays. So that's really good news for the rest of us, I'm sure you'll agree.

And as we heat up our houses with even 'cheaper' UK (or Scottish) energy, we'll be heating up the economy and we'll heat up the environment too. Three birds from one oozing, oily aphid. We openly love greed and applaud success, but don't we all secretly yearn for warmer climes too?

Here's to Cam the Man!