Satire

I am a white chimpanzee, of course I am. And as white chimpanzees it's important we understand our place in the world. Ethnicity allows us to understand ourselves. It's all about difference.

It's not about where you come from, not really. It's about how I see you and you see me. I could be a wild chimpanzee from Gombe National Park or a captive-bred chimp from Twycross Zoo, but I would still be a white chimp.

Ethnicity is not about having different cultures - all chimpanzees have a shared culture. We have the ability to use language, we enjoy the same food, a love of popular music and we believe in democracy, capitalism, the sciences, technology and liberal chimpanism.

It's not even about religion - there are white and black Christian chimps, you know.

And it's not a race issue, as it is scientifically proven that genetically there is no difference between chimpanzees the world over, well, except maybe for our brothers in laboratories, who have been genetically manipulated for the common good.

No, at the end of the day it's all about the colour line. If you are born a white chimp, like me, then you will forever be a white chimp, with all the advantages, and disadvantages, that difference brings.