Satire

I feel it's my duty as a newly selected M.P. to pass on the good news - the weather's just going to get nicer and nicer.

According to the Met Office over the next 100 years we should expect hotter and drier summers and milder winters. Isn't that great! I read it on Twatter and Facebutt last night, and I thought that's really good news - good news for everyone.

But then I started to wonder why is it going to get hotter? My first thought was that it must be something to do with the sun. Is the sun getting hotter? Is it getting closer to earth? Maybe the earth is getting closer to the sun.

But none of that sounded right to me. So I thought, hang on a minute, when are the weathermen ever right about the weather? So, I'm going to ask around and see if I can find out. I have some friends in commerce and industry, a couple of bankers in the City I know, a clergyman I play golf with and a dairy farmer next door - surely they'll have a better idea than the Met heads stuck with their eyes glued to computer screens analyzing reams of dumb and boring statistical data. I mean what do they really know?